The Politics of Criminalization

It's only fair.

For the last few weeks, the right in this nation have grasped their hot new catchphrase that they intent to trick more and more Americans into gathering their collective sorry ass simpathies again. Whether it is "Stay the Course" or "Fight them there so we don't have to fight them here" or something pointless like "Defending freedom" and "Mission Accomplished", the right has been greatly concentrating on finding a catchphrase that can easily stick with people and and brainwash them in the same simplicity that President Bush's mind is currently stuck at. Now, they will say that with the looming indictments and arrest of key Republican powers like Tom DeLay, Karl Rove, Bill Frist, Scooter Libby and Dick Cheney that this is all a result of... the criminalization of politics. You hear it day in, day out. And not just repeated countless times by correspondents and anchors on Fox News, but it's been all across conservative radiowaves. I swear Rush Limbaugh had to have said the slogan like a dozen times in twenty minutes a few days ago.

Now, the whole idea of what they want you to believe that the realm of politics is exactly what it is: politics. The actions taken by individuals involved in this world are done on a political basis and it has been for hundreds of years in this nation. Now that investigations are pending, indictments are being served and warrents are being issued to individuals, all conservative, the political process is being stifled, which is something we are told by them is bad.

These hypcritical, egotistical, short-sighted, super-partisan, sons-of-bitches. What in God's name makes them think they are special? Less than 10 years ago, you had the same heads blasting the sitting president saying he's not above the law, that he's abusing his power, that he's corrupt and valueless. But now, when their side is under the microscope, it's the criminialization of politics!!! It's not fair! You can't have people being proescuted to settle political scores! YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY?! Wow! You conservatives are like a pearl of wisdom or something. You have fucking sight beyond sight! If it wasn't for the fact that the same shit happened eight years ago, YOU MUTHAFUCKERS WOULD BE GODDAMN PSYCHIC! You guys don't have any right to preach to anyone or to trying to convice anyone that what's happening to corrupt assholes running this country isn't just. You think this is the criminalization of politics? Well goddamn it, I would hope so! Anything better than you ass-clowns with your nifty slogans and "break any rule because they don't apply us because our guy is president" mentality. You deserve to be criminals and caught doing the idiotic shit you do, just for being so goddamn stupid.

Now, this is probably my first and last post on these evil little bastards. I'm tired of hearing about them. I don't want to talk about it again until they get the big bastards who cannot be this ignorant to all of the slime and crime that surrounds him on a daily basis. You really have to be an idiot to believe he is completely unrelated to all of this. Yes I'm talking about George Bush. He should have been criminalized for being this fucking gullible and ignorant or for simply knowing and allowing this shit to unfold. These egoholics deserve all they get. I hope they get cells next to Adibese from Oz so they can really learn what his version of 'hard work' is. It ain't like any of this should be expected either. Politics is fully of shady bastards anyway. Why is it so hard to believe that they'd turn to criminal acts to get what they want? That's what you do. If it isn't legal, then you make it legal by any means necessary. Laws mean nothing. They know how the game is played and they knew the rules. Blame no one else now it is know they are breaking the rules. They knew exactly what they were doing. You always do. They did in Watergate. They knew in Iran-Contra. And now they know in Iraq-assholes. Clinton certainly knew it as well. Only difference was his didn't involve the livelihood of thousands and thousands of Americans.

Thank you.

Thank You Sister Rosa. You Are The Spark?

I wouldn't be proper if I did not give a few words on this time. An Icon, a living legend, a symbol of American history passed yesterday. Rosa Parks died of natural causes at the age of 92. Rosa Parks was the spark that ignited the Montgomery Bus Boycotts and launched the career and lifelong endeavor of one of the greatest Americans in our nation's history, Martin Luther King. In 1955, Rosa Parks leaving her job to go home on the bus was prompted by the driver to give up her seat for a white passenger. She refused. She would be arrested and this arrest angered many in the community for the treatment of a beloved and peaceful citizen as herself. Word was quickly passed that not a single black passenger would ride the bus again until this injustice is corrected. The boycott lasted over a year and really damaged the economy in Alabama. This example was followed by many throughout the nation and soon, the Civil Rights Movement was in full swing and not long after, equality for all citizens was demanded by law. All because of one woman was tired. Not tired of working, she worked with her hands. But tired of having to be treated inhuman, as if he rights where superceeded by others. Or was it?

No, I dare not question the significance and impact Rosa Parks had on the world and society, but what is in question is the spark of the Civil Rights Movement. There are three dates that many bring into question: August 28, 1955, December 1, 1955 and May 17, 1954. Of course on the first of December in 1955, that was the day Rosa Parks was arrested and the start of the Montgomery Bus Boycott. However, outside of that, there's also the landmark Supreme Court decision of Brown vs Topeka, which resulted in the doctrine of "Separate but equal" being declared unconstitutional. Although many recongize Rosa Parks and what she started, this is considered by many what really triggered the movement. Without this being law, the movement wouldn't really have much ground to stand on, including the unlawful arrest of Rosa Parks.

However, outside of those dates, there is another date many do not know or care to discuss. On August 28th of 1955, over three months before Rosa Parks was arrested, a young man by the name of Emmet Till left his home in Chicago to visist some relatives in Money, Mississippi. Unaware and uneducated to the severe racial divisions that ran in the south, Emmett made an misunderstood pass toward the store owner's wife, Carolyn Bryant, which she took offense. Word eventually spread across the small community and by time her husband returned from an out of state trip, he and his brother-in-law decided to kidnapp Emmett to "teach him a lesson". Admitting they wanted to scare Emmett at first, they eventually changed tactics when Emmett showed no fear of the danger he was actually in. Despite the duo's claims, their intentions were evident and clear with the reported hours of screams, beaten and bruised body of Emmett and most notably the face of Emmett Till. Words cannot describe the wretched and disfigured remains of a handsome teenage boy who was brutally murdered by two men. After a vain attempt to clean up the body, Mamie Till, Emmett's mother decided that he should be left alone and to have an open casket funeral so the world could see what happened to her son. After several countless visitors at the funeral, several photographs and a print in Jet magazine, thousands were able to see what happened to Emmett. Despite Bryant's aquittal, he would eventually be shunned by his own community for what he did.

The effects of Emmett Till's death were much more far-reaching than anyone could have thought. The addage of a picture being worth a thousand words was proven to be 100% correct in this case. This was one of the first times that local law enforcement, local media and the NAACP all worked together to investigate exactly what happened. Because of the high level of cooperation between these institutions and the profound shock value of seeing the actual brutality of hate, there is no doubt in my mind that this is reasonably considered the spark to the Civil Rights Movement.

However, the actual spark of the Civil Rights Movement wasn't on December 1, 1955, August 28, 1955 or May 17, 1954. The Civil Rights Movement would not have been a success without the sumation of these three events. The Brown vs Topeka decision laid the ground work to let the world know change was due to come. The death of Emmett Till made this a real issue to not only the whole of America, but across the world as well. And finally the arrest and ensuing boycott was the culmination and call to action to demand civil rights. Again, there's no denying Rosa Park's place in the movement, but she was not alone. But as the years passed, she became increasingly lonely and as time passed, I believe many took for granted what we had among us, a spark that made America the greatest nation it is today. If it wasn't for her, this nation would not be anything at all as it is now.

Thank you Sister Rosa. You are the spark. You started our freedom movement. Thank you sister Rosa Parks.

Clash of the Titans

Everyone who is involved in the business of politics and social issues loves a good old fashioned, hot, passion-filled, throw-down, knock-down, drag-out ruthless debate. And it should go without saying that these things do get personal, but at the same time, the only way to come out uscathed is to not take this personally. Though, it is damn hard when people are questioning and attacking your beliefs and what you feel is right. Some people don't under that when you are attacking what a person believes, it's an attack on their identity as well and a person's identity is sacred. So as much as you shouldn't take it personally, it's hard not to.

But it's always fun.

And so when you have heavyweights in the field doing what they do best, doing what they love, I just had to take the time out of a busy campaign to take a look. Yesterday was the 3rd annual Clash of The Titans debate in the Lion's Den, also known as the Christian Coalition funded Regent University. This is the thir year that Pat Robertson and his 'good ol' boys' have put on a debate with giants in the world of politics, society and military and government. Previous Clashes have included the likes of Al Gore, Bob Dole, Ann Coulter and Alan Dershowitz. Two years ago, they debated whether or not the Supreme Court has overstepped its authority. Last year they debated what's on the line in the 2004 election. This year, the debate was on whether or not the president's strategy in Iraq has been effect and is it worth the effort. In the left corner was former CNN host of Crossfire and former Clinton aid Paul Begala and Former general of NATO forces in eastern Europe and presidential candidate General Wesley Clark. In the right corner was former Speaker of the House and real architech behind Republican power, Newt Gengrich and former White House counter-terrorism lead and aid to Ronald Reagan, Oliver North.

What I would like to do is just highlight a few things the contenders said throughout the debate that really caught my attention that I would like to present to you and to just give some of my thoughts and impressions on what I heard. I tried not to be bias and just notate those I agree with, but of course I had to have those I disagree with, just to let you know how wrong they are and how right I am. So without further adieu...

"We are victims of our own experiences and beliefs."

General Wesley Clark said this in a response to an military question posed to him. And I just wanted to note how true this is. We are in a sense victims to our own knowledge or lack of knowledge. We are put at risk for our ignorance on what we don't know, which can hurt us as the saying goes. This lack of knowledge is a powerful thing that can be used against you, but it comprises who we are and it's something we cannot change.

"Twenty-two revisions of the war plan"

That's insane. I know plans change. I myself am fond of saying a plan ain't nothing but a list of things that don't get done, but you think you'd have something set it stone. To have twenty-two revisions and to say things like "stay the course", then it makes you sound really foolish or severely lacking knowledge.

"If it looked like it involved billions of dollars, thousands of troops and years to complete, it wouldn't have been supported."

Which is the exact case we are in now. Knowing that a war would cost taxpayers nearly $2 billion, that many, many families would be torn apart with relatives leaving for months and months on end and some coming back with drastically altered lives or not coming back at all and that we would be involved in this for a very, very long, Vietnam-long time, then that would have meant maybe 10% of the population would have support it and that's being conservative(in more ways than one). So that could be the only conceiveable reason why a consise plan was never released, discussed or followed through. I'm afraid that what we've done is just created another Israel in Iraq. We think that just because they'll have democracy it will go away? Well, look at Israel, they have one. You think that things will get better over time? Take a look at Israel. You think it won't cost us as much in the long run? Take a gander at Israel. It is still costing us. If we were to cut their foreign aid, they would be in a bit of trouble. Most of our foreign aid goes to them and for what? So they can protect themselves and that is EXACTLY what we will be doing in Iraq 60 years from now.

[Defend the homeland, fight the insurgency and asmiliate any reason someone would have to join.]

This was Gingrich's answer to the way he'd fight the war on terrorism. It's a sound plan on paper, but how you go about executing that plan is most important. He pointed to Homeland Security to defending the homeland, which is what I thought was the job of the CIA, FBI, Coast Guard and more specifically the National Security chief. I mean, National Security... Homeland Security? Isn't that essentially the same damn thing? And to have an Intelligence Czar as well? I thought the Republican Party was against making more government, which is exactly what they've been doing in the last several years. He then pointed to our efforts in Iraq in fighting insurgency, but you have realize we aren't fighting 'insurgency' anymore. Insurgency means to surge from within. I don't think it's any secret anymore that the elements we fight aren't simply Iraqi's version of the Weekend Warrior. This is like an Arabic Woodstock and they are coming all over to be a part of it. And with that in mind, you can't simply fight them like a rebellion or a uprising. You have to fight them like foreign invaders and we aren't doing that. We aren't doing much to take the fight to them, which is part of the problem. Then comes eliminating any reason someone would have to want to join. This is probably the most tricky part of the equation. Newt and the conservative persuassion has pointed to democracy as being a good way to eliminate the reason for joining terrorist, which is odd because democracy is the very reason they are fighting. They don't want democracy. They fight against democracy everyday and don't think what the biggest and brightest example of democracy(United States) is exactly a pillar of democratic leadership. So we can't just assume democracy is the answer.

"If we needed oil, we would have invaded Venezuela."

This does present a good point. Venezuela does have oil, a lot of oil in fact. They don't have a standing army and their leadership is weak. To top it off, they aren't exactly nice people, as cited a reason for invading Iraq by the president. But just because it is so, doesn't disqualify oil being a reason or at least on the mind of those who framed this effort of war. For one, as much of a joke Begala was giving, we aren't going to attack Venezuela. It would be cutting down trees for firewood in your own backyard. Aside from that, Iraq was a relevant excuse. The U.S. was just attacked by Middle Easterners and making a connection and emotional tuggings would be easier to make with Iraq in mind. First of all, the underlying principle of United States foreign policy is to ensure free trade for all nation. That's the main reason why our involvement in World War II. Under Saddam Hussein, Iraq did not trade, especially with the United States. Which kinda sucks because we are rich and what do rich people usually do? Want to buy the unobtainable. And so we liberate Iraq so they are free to trade whatever they desire without Saddam being a poo-poo head. Now that they can trade, what's the one thing they have an abundance to trade? Oil? Who has the most money to buy who will buy at the highest price? The United States. A clear gain is obvious and to say it's not an reason is foolish. It's money. Money is ALWAYS a reason to do anything.

"One ready battallion in two years."

Many have clamored for us to leave Iraq. Unfortunately this won't be done until Iraq can fend for itself, if that ever happens. That's part of the reason why we don't have a solid plan because who knows how long it can take to train a full army? But if you follow the timeframe we are currently at, training a single battallion after two years, then we are going to be there well after all of us are dead. But this is paramount. They need their own army and not ours. We can't stay there forever and continue to get ourselves killed. They need to get themselves killed because they have the most at stake. But to have one batallion in three years is a failure. We shouldn't have told the old army to go home in the first place. Half of them were there because Saddam said so. If you told the other have they were fighting for their own damn futures and put something on the line, maybe then they'd have more to lose, but as it is now, they don't. I'm just afraid, however many battallions they have, the moment we pick up and leave that nation, it is going to fall apart.

Between 1945 and 1948, Germany, Italy and Japan were rebuilt by their own armies."

I had a friend of mine. She often wanted to compare our efforts today to our war effort of 60 years ago in World War II. Not just the way we fought, but the reaction at home as well. Now that's all fine and dandy, but warfare and especially the United States has radically changed in 60 years. Hell there is hardly one thing that we do today that is done the same way 60 yeas ago. For one, 60 years ago we didn't have things like black people active in the political system 60 years ago. 60 years ago Islamic fundamentalism wasn't to this extreme and on the same token, Americanization wasn't as rabid as it is today. So, it's hard to have things the way they were 60 years ago. A testiment to that would be the nations we fought against 60 years ago and their reaction post World War II. Yes, these nations benefitted greatly from the Marshall Plan, but it didn't take effect until the late 40s. And post-war Germany, Italy and Japan didn't just sit on it's ass and let us do all the work. And why did they not have the same problem with Imperialist, Nazis and facist still constantly attacking U.S. forces after the war ended? Probably because they were there to handle their own business. The Emperor of Japan was still Emperor when they surrendered. We did not send the whole German army home only to recruit from scratch all over again. Why? That's a waste of resources. Just reorganizing what you already have on hand instead of starting from the beginning.

[The fight should be won ideologically.]

Not solely militaristically. To defeat terrorism, you cannot win it by military victory. Terrorism is an idea, a movement. You'd just as well win a war on jealousy(kudos to David Cross). Those who use the ideals of terror to force others to bend to their will just won't go away by shooting it. It will just spread. What if you had someone who didn't get involved in none of this stuff, but they had a brother or best friend who was knee deep in jihadism and he just got blown to bits by an American missle. He's gonna be pretty teed off and might just want some revenge. What does that solve? Nothing. So what if you took a different approach and convinced the guy to convince his brother or bestfriend that what they are doing isn't going to be successful and there are better ways, more sane and less violent ways to get people to bend to your will. No one dies and you have someone doing the leg work with you. It's a better idea. Whenever someone asks me, "Shogunn, how would you win the war on terrorism." My simple answer would be to not give them a reason to terrorize. Not some idiotic 'take the fight to them' or 'stay the course' or some thing else irrational. You should always use your mind it's less painful... or should be.

"Democracy won't be enough."

What would it take for more of the right to admit to this. And of all people it's Newt Gingrich who said it. No it won't be enough. Hell who says it is even part of the answer? Was democracy enough back in 1860 when the federal government clashed with state power? Was democracy enough in 1960 when black people could vote, but could not under duress or disqualification? And again, is it enough in Israel where a car blows up, a mall is attacked or people are kicked out of their homes after years and years of righteous living? Duh! Democracy isn't enough. It isn't nearly enough. You need a lot more than democracy to change. Democracy only governs the way people rule. It does not legislate the way people think.

* * *

And so there you have it. Score one more for the good guys. Actually there were no clear winners in this debate. There hardly is a clear winner in any debate, unless there is no debate and one side is not doing the debating by avoiding questions or not fully explaning themselves. But where can you fully explain yourself when someone across from you is absolutely sure they are right and you are completely wrong? I know...

The Smoking Gunn

True Colors I: Louis Farrakahn

Louis Farrakahn.

Just to hear the name just automatically temps your head in to exploding into opinion. Being the product of an age where both the Civil Rights Movement and the ensuing Black Power Movement have expired and without the legendarily notorious opinion shakers of the time around currently present, Louis Farrakahn is simply one of the most controversial figures in social society. You rather love him or hate him. You rather respect him or despise him. You rather listen to him or ignore him. There is no inbetween with Louis Farrakahn. At least if there is, there won't be once he starts to speak.

Born in New York and raised in Boston, Farrakahn was known in a fomer life as a musician as "The Charmer". Notwithstanding the elegance he is still able to produce from a violin, Farrakahn's voice isn't one of a firey preacher or a passionate leader, but it is curiously calm and patient. He talks softly with hard words that leaves listeners vulnerable to his message. It disarms an objective listener to the extent objectivity is no longer able to suffice.

Louis Farrakahn was a product of the Civil Rigths Movement's Nation of Islam and followed faitfully to Elijah Muhammad's teachings. Once the movement ended as did the life of Muhammad, the Nation of Islam lightened many of its traditions and practices and was underway to a complete transformation. By the late 1970s, Farrakahn had enough and staying true to his original beliefs, he reformed the Nation of Islam as seen by the vision of Elijah Muhammad. Not to deviate and to give a full biography of Louis Farrakahn, it's important to know where the man comes from. But knowing that much, many still do not know where he has come from.

Being an inherent controversial figure, in the last several weeks, Farrakahn has stirred the pot even more, suggesting the lack of evidence to the condition of the broken levees long after the powerful force of a hurricane has dissipated, Farrakahn has hypothesize on what actually happened. This did not sit well with many. Some, inclined to agree with the minister agreed that there was a lack of evidence and Farrakahn's charges may have merit, while the majority have utterly dismissed Farrakahn and his ravings all due to a simple coponent: Race.

The racial issue has been the fuel to the fire of most of Farrakahn's career. Drawing out the stark differences and drawing a conclusion between the advantages and disadvantages grounded in race is what gives him his controversy. But this raises a question. If this nation did not have a problem with race, why would Farrakahn's fuel still be able to ignite his fire and intensify his flames? If the people of this nation in this day and age did not have a problem with race, as many claim, how can a man whose career has been grounded in the demographic still be as popular and controversial? The more you examine this question the more you will be inclined to agree that despite the claims of many, the United States of America has not purged itself of the racial dilemma and the fact that we haven't cannot simply be blamed on Farrakahn for pointing to it.

So who does have a problem with race? Is it those who agree with Farrakahn? That this nation has not gotten over it's past issues of race. Is it those who respect Farrakahn and tries to take the time and listen to him, for better or worse? Is it those who follow him and give credit to his beliefs? Maybe. But if you are going to look that, you had better look at the polar side as well. Those who hate Farrakahn, who tear at his character, who call him "Calypso Lewy" other ways of belitting him. I accuse conservatives for using what they fear, what they despise Farrakahn of using and what they never came to terms with since it was part and parcel of their ideology. I accuse them of using race.

No, I am not saying every single conservative is a racist. You will learn that that's a hard badge to earn and not liking a few black people won't cut it. I accuse them of not being able to look beyond it, because the more they hate on Farrakahn, the more I'm convinced they never actually listened to his message. Not once in the last several weeks have I heard any of his detractors actually refute or argue any of his valid and credible arguements. They insist on taking one issue an hollow issue and blowing it up and stake his identity on it. It is this ideology that has not come to terms with their past relationship with race in this nation. And don't think for a second that conservatism and the bigoted, discriminatory racism that thrived in this nation aren't linked. The modern Republican party was formed from the once conservative Democrats who could not follow the liberalization of not only their party but the whole nation. With the likes of Jesse Helms, Strom Thrumond and Trent Lott, these conservative Democrats switched parties and rejuvinated the defunked Repulblican party. With the culture of life and politics during that time, these individuals did adhere to a ideology that embraced racism. And no, I am not saying they still adhere to that same ideology. As I said the nation and politics all shifted left, and it still is to an extent. The times have changed, but nevertheless, those vestiges of racism still linger. For you to not recognize that is like them not recognizing that radical islamism isn't a pool where the ideology of terrorism exist.

Now, back to Farrakahn. Conservatives have not come to terms with this facet of their past and continue to ignore it as if it doesn't exist. Just becasue you ignore something does not mean it will go away. I should know. When you ignore something, you pretend it doesn't exist. And if it doesn't exist, whenever it does return you continue to stay away from it but this repulsion does not come from ignorance, but fear. It is this fear of race relations that drives their passsion and distain for Farrakahn and his vessel of race relations. And now, they refuse to see beyond that. And it is truly unfortunate because much of what Farrakahn says has merit and has grounding, but to his detriment, he does uses a racial coponent to push his message. Although it doesn't give the core of his message any less validity, it turns away those who never see the core of his message.

That core includes a strong message of personal responsiblity. That was what the Million Man March was all about. It was about a charge to unfortunately regimented black men who lack responsiblity to their lives and families. It was a charge to end the rabid black-on-black crime and ravage drug use and enormous prison incarceration and to live lives of production and to promote personal responsiblity and self-reliance. Now, who in their right mind would have the never to disagree with that? That is Farrakahn's message. His message also relied heavily on self-responsibility aspect that is the backbone of the conservative ideology. Farrakhan has opposed other black leaders and intellectuals like Jesse Jackson and Cornel West, who see coalition building as the answer to woes in Black America. Farrakahn sees the answer as building from within. Using our resources, our culture our history to repair the wretched situation we might find our race in. This was exactly what every other cultural and ethnic group has done in this nation and this is the hallmark of Farrakahn's teaching. Because he promotes building withing the Black community and to not rely on mainstream America, he's seen as a racial instigator, a baitor or at worse a racist.

It just really bewilders me how conservatives will snear and tear at Farrakahn and make him out to be a racist and a divider and they completely ignore the core of his message, which has a link to their ideology. But they simply refuse to see it all because of the coponent that drives it. That is completely comparable to not looking at a person's character, but rather the color of their skin. But the more they hate on him. The more they ignore his overall reformation, the more they combat the facade of his message and ignore the engine, all they do is make him more controversial. People do not turn away from controversy, they embrace it and that is why Farrakahn retains power.

Epiphany

"Trust and I will show."

That is the one thing I am absolutely sure I haven't built my life around... then again, it is also what I've relied on. On one side is trust. On the other, faith. Both, seemingly may be the same, but they aren't. For me they have completely opposing meaning. One has utterly destroyed my life, while the other has given me the stength and will to live as I am. But it's going to be a fight within me as it has been in the past, but now I realize it is no longer a stalemate.

Throughout my whole life I have been the type of person who had to keep everything to myself. All my feelings, all my thoughts and emotions were my own. I don't exactly remember how I learned this behavior or what prompted me to do this, but I never liked complaining much. I didn't think and still think it won't get me much of anywhere. The only place it will get me is to give others an idea of how I feel and what I think. And that, I realize moreso than ever is a double-edged sword. If you are reading this now, it's probably clear to you that I have no problem expressing myself, but in my life, that has been the struggle that has defeated me.

I have often been afraid of other opinions outside of my own. I never wanted others to dislike me and I tried not to give anyone much reason to. I always tried to please. I never wanted to be helpless, I wanted to make sure I did not fail anyone for any reason. In order to do this, I had to rely on myself and that made me proud. However to this end, I trace this back to middle school. I wanted to be everything to everyone and wanted them all to like me. So I put myself out a bit. I was nice. I played good. I hung out with the various groups that simply did not exist back in elementry school, but I wanted them too because it was what I knew. But it were these different groups and personalities growing up and apart that did something to me. People who I became close to were not as close as I wanted. People, I thougth were friends, rather out-grew me or did not care to nurture our friendships. Those I did rely on as a part of putting myself out left me and I was really hurt. It is around this age of 12 to 15 that a kid needs lasting relationships for stability and trust. The problem seemed like everyone I put my trust in left me. From best friends, to crushes to just those I casually thought would be there with me. The list could go on, from David, to Maryland, to Kathy, to Rodney and Mary, Duane, Anthony, and endless others. Every year, every time I built enough trust, someone would leave. And going through that, at that time was really, really painful. Painful enough to the extent that I cared not to relive any of it ever again. I slowly, but damn well surely turned inward. I still was a socaible and likeable person, but less and less did I actually "talk" with people.

I couldn't trust them. I never knew when they would leave, if they would give up on me or if they would betray me or simply not be there if I needed them. I couldn't trust anyone. I turned more away from my family, whatever friends I had and it got to the extent, I became afraid of people. It's an odd turn of events, but my greatest fear was and still is getting close to others, whether it be for a simple ask for help or even to establish a relationship of some form, I cannot out of fear. I am afraid they may not like what I have to offer or despite whatever I do offer, I cannot trust them to make my life better. I've recently started to say that no one can live my life, but me. So asking for help is a pointless gesture because ultimately I am the one who has to be willing to improve and that starts from within, not outside. And so that was my excuse all throughout high school. I never dated. I did not go to many social functions outside of sports. No parties, no hanging out with friends on friday and saturday nights, no nothing. I didn't even go to my Prom, under the pretense that I was broke(which I was), but I wasn't about to go and have to be with someone, anyone. I was afraid. Every relationship I had turned out to rather turn against me or disappear.

And so college came along and the whole process of severing relationships and creating new ones was to be repeated all over again. Then I didn't care as much. I met people. Nice people. All seem to be going through about the same experience I was of a introduction into a fresh enviornment. But my introverted fear still dominated my personality. I'd get close enough to have friends, but nothing more. But then there was May, which just happen to be the name(nickname or last name) of a number of those relationships from the past. May was my first real relationship. I, we had a lot of fun. It was nice to be with someone who I knew wanted to be with me. It was like magic. I know that sounds corny and childish, but I don't know of a better way to describe it. I hadn't had anything like that before. And I enjoyed it. Appearently not enough though. I was so busy enjoying myself and having fun that I had little appreciation for what I had. She actually loved me and that gave me great comfort and also a unsettling feeling everything she would tell me because I could not feel the same. And in usual form, I kept her away as well. This time, it was in a differnt form, but it was the same thing: fear.

And now, nearly six years after that, much hasn't changed. I have come to the realization of the fear that has been a cancer on my life and relationships, but it hasn't changed anything. It has become so engrained, so regimented that I feel as if I cannot change who I am. It would take some serious deprogramming, but I cannot depgrogram because that's not who I am. It's like a Catch 22. This evergrowing and lasting fear that has ruled my life has decapitated the meaning of trust for me. I honestly feel and I am proven right time after time that people cannot be trusted. They will always betray me in some way or another.

Faith. Oddly enough, it's been the one thing that I have relied on in my life. From all of what I've experienced, because of my lack of trust in others, my self-reliance has caused me to have absolute faith in myself. If there is anything wrong, or anything I need to do or anything I need to change, my faith in myself is what drives me to complete. It's going back to what I've said previously, no one can or would live my life but me, myself and I. I have to do what I can to fulfill life for myself. If I lacked faith in myself at all, I could not live. I am the only person I know I can trust because, again, I'm the only one living my life.

And it's just uncanny to feel the struggle between the two that on the surface appear similar, but have given me two seperate out-looks on life. One one hand, my life has taught me that I cannot trust anyone and on the other to have absolute faith in myself. And my life has been tormented. Deep inside I've always wanted love and to love. I've always wanted acceptance. It's a fundamental thing most human beings ask for in life, to be wanted, apprecaited and loved. Not taken for granted, forgotten or ignored. And I've had my share of the latter three in my life. But all I've ever wanted and could ask for is to be accepted for who I am and not for what I've done or what I'll become. And it is impossible to find those who will not judge you, but I've found one thus far.

Regina Rochelle Randolph came into my life about seven years ago. I met her that first year of college and back then we were just cool. It was a time where we all were in that new enviornment and we were kind of feeling each other out. From her, I felt a good person who seemed nieve enough to be nice a lot, which was great for me. As the months passed and as freshman year evolved to sophmore year, many of those relationships I had fell through like par, but by then it was to be expected and hurt me a little less(except for May of course). But one relationship that did last was with Regina and I wasn't sure why. We weren't really similar. We didn't have a lot in common. She seemed pretty fun and tolerated a lot of the bore that was my life, which amazed me, most couldn't and still can't, but she did. One thing I did like about Regina was, I think she still won't admit this, but she grew up, I would say a little... sheltered. Well it was to the extent that a lot of the things she was experiencing was new. Things like movies. I liked movies. I loved watching them. Hell, I practically ran the campus film's committee weekends. Gina growing up, did not watch a lot of movies or much of the same t.v. I did growing up. So with her being around, we really didn't have anyone else so we kinda stuck to each other. We watch a lot of movies. I was always trying to introduce her to a movie she never saw and hoped she shared my same taste(she'll tell you she doesn't). But it felt great to finally be able to share with someone and to have someone to talk with. I could talk to her about things that were on my mind and I found she did the same. And as annoying as I thought she was in the beginning, she really grew on me. We were like peas and carrots!

But I just got way off on a tangent with Gina. What I wanted to say was about her faith. Not her faith in herself or other people, but her faith in God. This was one source of contempt and bitterness that sprouted between us. It was fun though, she didn't think it was such fun. She thought(and still thinks) that my being Catholic and not a church-going one at that was just terrible. She had a strong opinion against Catholics and many other religions, but her faith and belief in God was unshakable, which took me off guard. I never knew someone with as much faith as her. And it's that faith that I never picked up on. As much as Gina grew on me, that part of her never attached. I really wanted it to. Seemingly people who do have religion who have strong faith seem to have and lead better, happier lives. Now, that's my observation. And I have to say I have ALWAYS admired that. But I never felt I was worthy or ready for such adoration.

But to make a long story short, today I was complaining to a co-worker that I can't seem to trust anyone. They'll always betray me or fail me in some way and I feel wrecked afterwards because of my blind trust. And I was really feeling it today. But then my co-worker told me "Well, there is someone you can absolutely trust..." And I knew exactly what she was going to say. It's been said for ages and it sounds a little redundant... until now for some reason. She said I can trust God. I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, that sounds like something I could see Gina saying, though I don't think she never thrusted that upon me that way. But now, I thought about it. Who can I trust? Why should I trust God? Would God ever betray my trust? Would God ever fail me? But now, I'm thinking I've been too selfish and looking at it backward. Can God trust me? Why should he? What have I done to be worthy of his trust? Will I ever betray God's trust in me? And I know I have, but has God forgiven me? And should God forgive me? Will I fail God? Thinking of it that way gives me a different sort of fear. Not a fear of people, but a fear of a higher power, a different life, beyond this one. If there is any single entity I should be afraid of disappointing or letting down in any way, it shouldn't be my boss, my friends, Regina or even my family. I shouldn't let down God. And I don't think I want to.

Now, I know I am far from perfect. I realized that a long time ago and I can never be. But I always strive to be better than myself and now I think I am a little stronger or at least I know I can be. My faith in myself has been misplaced. I can only be better by placing my faith in the only one I can ever truly trust without question or pause and that is God. I can hardly believe I'm writing this, but I think it's true. I realize no longer do I have to rely on myself. I can also rely on God, as I should have done in the first place.

On my way home I heard a song entitled "You will know" and it helped me see things:

You will know
Troubled heart you'll know
Problems have solutions
Trust and I will show

You will know
Troubled heart you'll know
Every life has reason
For I made it so

Maybe if you trust, it will show you too.

For the first time in what has to be forever, I think I will do something tonight that is a little out of character. Not only will I do it, but I will be serious about it. I've always wanted a better life, now it's time for someone else to help me along and it's time I asked.

I'm going to pray.

Shame

That's the best I can think of and that is the most fitting way to describe this. This is pitifully embarrassing.

Now, the objective of this, the whole idea behind this forum was in all sincerety was not to be your garden-variety "Bush-Bashing", but dang nabbit, this guy... He just makes it all too easy. Just the slightest observation of the man's actions is a bash and you can't help it because on a whole they aren't very good. I seriously didn't want to turn into just another Bush-Basher, but for the next twenty minutes, I simply cannot help it. I can hardly stay quiet about this.

This guy has absolutely no shame at all. None. He can't possibly have any. He does not feel embarrassment. He does not know shame. He cannot comprehend humility. Like him or hate him, there is one thing no one can deny and that is his consistently piss-poor approval ratings. I swear Americans have a higher approval of Prince William than they do of George W. Bush. Ever since September 2001, his approval ratings have been on a steady decline. Ever since Janurary 2004, his approval has been on an average below 50%. When I first looked at that I thought that was bad. Now, in some polls, his approval rating has dropped less than 40%? That is shameful. It is shameful and embarrassing. There is no better way to put it than that. Another thing I noticed was his numbers before the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. Those were consistently bland as well, ranged in the 50% area.

Now, here's how I feel. If you were on any other job and your performance was this low, consistently, time after time, would you be given a second chance? No. One of two things would happen: you'd be given less responsiblity or simply relieved of your duties. Now, with all the jobs I've had in my life, I never have been fired. There was an instance in a job where my performance was so poor, I could not do what I was asked, I was not skilled in the job and could not perform. I tried and failed and after giving it my best, I decided it was time for me to leave. Now that's just me. But from what I've seen from this guy, I cannot escape the thought that we need a policy shift in the United States. The whole two term system is fair and we earn what we get, but still, a job is a job. Being president, though it is a position, so is being a gardner. I honestly feel that if a president's approval is this low for this extended amount of time, an immediate recall election should automatically be called in session. No vote needed, no discussion necessary, we are supposed to be a nation 'for' the people. And if the people judge the performance of their leader's job to be this poor for this long, we shouldn't have to wait the rest of the term. There should be an immediate vote to see if this is what the people still want.

I don't know. Something is better than just standing here and watching his numbers tank even lower.

And for the President to walk the earth and sleep at night knowing this is even more horrendous. How can you sleep at night? How can you rest peacefully knowing most of your nation does not like what you are doing? Does he not have any shame? Does he not have any goddamn decency? I would have quit a long time ago. I would have not ran for re-election. But that's the key.

But alas, this is what we deserve. Whatever he is now, we asked for it. He was re-elected and this is what we get for doing such. And so now, we have to live with this embarrassment and humiliation as a president. What a shame.

October 12th

Today represents a big part of who I am. Five years ago, two individuals obviously incappable of the slightest bit of love or joy took a boat and sped it to the side of the U.S.S. Cole refueling in Aiden, Yemen. With a disengeneous wave, they activated an explosive that tore a hole in the destroyer. Seventeen were killed. Thirty-nine were injured. Many, many more still feel pain.

My brother, Signalman Seaman Cherone Louis Gunn was on board the U.S.S. Cole when it was savagely attacked by nameless cowards. He was only twenty-two years old. Nearly three whole years younger than myself right now. Cherone left an impression on many of those he knew. He will not be forgotten, nor the reason why he was killed. If I live the rest of my natural life, this will be true.

Today, was the now regimented day of October 12th that we will forever live. The day started off at the Cole Memorial on the Naval Base. It would have been good only if we had little disruption for this ceremony. Unfortunately there was. It's amazing the hoops our families had to go through for a ceremony that is in our and our loved ones honor. Now, I know it's a military base, that I know. However, we were required to obtain passes to access the base, again all to go to a ceremony that is for us in the first place. This is something that should have been taken care of by the Navy well in advance. What if we did not get a pass? Would we not been allow access to memorialize and hold reverence to the lives of those who were so suddenly ripped from us? Would they actually bar us access and purposely cause more pain and anguish on a day that will be forever harder to live through part as a result of their mismanagement and ineptness? Well, my mother put that question to the test. My father actually followed procedure(for once) and waited to gain a visitors pass(despite being a retired Chief Petty Officer???) while my mother refused to be denied. My mother is one of the sweetest kind-hearted people I will ever meet and for someone to anger her or to cause her pain in any way is in the wrong. She went to the gate and was upset that she was going to be denied, but this did not stop her. After being told her going to the gate would be a useless gesture and could be problematic, she wanted to see what the problem would be? Would they actually try to stop her from honoring her son? Her son who was born from her who had no business leaving the world years before she does? Would they have the nerve? No, they did not. By the time me, my brother and my father arrived at the memorial, she was there with the other families. She knew they would not, could not stop her. Try to imagine how that would make the Navy look? Imagine how she would make them look?

After the memorial, which was a little long due to it being cold and numerous reporters seeking interviews with anyone who knew someone who died five years ago, we went to the ship for 'refeshments'. It was a slight suprise that the U.S.S. Cole was actually in dock today. I doubt it was just because it was October 12th, but it was in dock. I haven't seen the ship since July of 2000. I never wanted to. But if we were going to the ship for refreshments(which turned out to be lunch), it would obviously mean we were going to the mess hall. This is the same mess hall where my brother was killed. Knowing this and being surprised that I would actually be in the same spot was a little unnerving. As we walked in, I looked around and could not help but to wonder where it happened, how it happened and who could actually remember. I immediately recognized a location I previously seen on a video of a karaoke program the crew had where Cherone was being his Cherone self and showing off, singing, dancing around and just being who he was. When we finally sat down to eat, I asked my family about how it happened. Since we were in the same spot, I wanted to know dearly where he was when it happened. My brother Jason told me that he received world that Cherone was in line getting his drink for his lunch(which I remember hearing about) and when it happened, he was blown across the who mess hall where he was found. It's unreal when you see the distance. I remember hearing that others were blown clear away from where they were before the bombing, but to see it is unimaginable.

About an hour later, we left up to Arlington National Cemetary. We arrived there about twenty or fifteen before four. The new Commission of Rememberence had a ceremony planned at four. This year, there wasn't much of a hitch or hang-up. However they have had four years to fuck it up and they've done a good job at it. We will never forget the first anniversery. Over $1 million was collected for the families of the U.S.S. Cole victims. It was for us, but the Naval Relief was in charge of what was collected and distributed those fund how they saw fit. A part of their plan consisted of paying a third party to leave a reef of roses on the graves of the victims on every single anniversary. Unfortunately it wasn't to be. Our first year, upon our arrival to Arlington and to Cherone, there was no reef, no pagentry, no honor for him or his shipmates at all. Of course, our family raised hell. Not just us but the Costelow family and Clotfelter family as well. We were actually told that they did bring a reef out to the grave before we arrived, had a personal ceremony and removed the reef as promptly, all without us. I would put it pass them. So, since that moment, they decided to make a coordinated effort to coordinate their ceremony in a timely fashion that would allow families to attend the ceremony in Norfolk as well as the one in Arlington. It took a year or two to get it right, but last year it was a bit better and this year it was about as flawless as i imagine it will get.

One of the more amazing aspects of being in Arlington isn't just my brother being in one of the nations most historic and honored areas anymore. It was awe-inspiring the first year or two I visited him there. Now, especially in the throws of a military action that killing more and more Americans, inherently fracturing more and more families in the process, my brother is getting plenty of company unfortately. Now, whenever my family visits, we always take notice of the new arrivals, some months, before today, even some where placed there today, which was really a shock. And the most horrible part about it all isn't the fact that they are there, but the fact that like my brother, I, admittedly a young man, am currently older than most of them. I see the dates carved on their tombstones and I see 1984, 1982, 1979 and 1980. All of these guys had lives. They had full lives ahead of them. If they felt anywhere like I do it's just an extreme misfortune to see that they will not have a life anymore. It's heart shattering and overwhelming if you let yourself think about it.

It's a pain of memory.

it is now nearly an hour after 12am, which means October 12th is over for this year. But I will relive the same day I have been living for five year now on October 12th 2006, and again on October 12th 2007 and again on October 12th 2008 and again and again, forever. Although today is over with, this day will never end. October 12th will forever live on and with it the memory of Cherone Louis Gunn.

Rest in peace Cherone. You were missed before you left the earth. It will be too long before I am in your presence again my brother.

Good-bye... for now.

Until next year.

Prologue...

Every saga has a beginning.

And this is mine. This I know is true. SHOGUNN lives. This is time for my return. I am ready. For several months I have been hiatus after a self-matricuation. I surpassed the puddle and now I am live and in the sea.

This is SHOGUNN at his best. Uncencored. Uncut. Unfiltered. Unadulterated. It won't be pretty. It will be nasty, dirty, tasteless, spiteful and brash. One thing it will not be is wrong because it cannot be any more right for me. Because now, I am free, I am on fire and you are now looking down the barrel of the SMOKING GUNN!

Welcome to my world. A world where I can speak on any level and any topic. Those brave individuals who have what it takes to stare down a gun fight back will be in for the ride of their lives. I do not back down. I will not hesitate. I will show no mercy. I will do what must be done and say what I must say.

As a kid, my imagination was unbound. I thought about everything and questioned anything. That was my nature then and it is my nature now. My imagination then has transformed to the wonder that it is now. It has allowed me to think on levels many would not consider and probably won't. The range of topics that will discharge from this Gunn will go from life, society, race, class, culture, time, love and hate. To a lesser extent it will expand to about anything else I find of interest from pop culture to the subculture. The banding connection all of it will have will be people. The people who comprise the ideology you will see. But it will all center on the world view of one particular aspect:

Me.

So get ready. Put your thinking caps on and get ready. My gift to you is my power and my duty and responsibility to this power. Now hunker down. Grab yourself a cold drink and a clear mind. Only those that are aware will survive Gunnfight. It's time to feel the fire because I am back! The SHOGUNN is back on the scene and the SHOGUNN is still smoking!!!